Hearts and Minds
by meggannn
Summary: Musing over life, love, and relationships with an ancient spirit over coffee one morning reveals more secrets than Yugi had originally planned.


**Title:** Hearts and Minds**  
Rating:** K+**  
Summary:** Musing over life, love, and relationships with an ancient spirit over coffee one morning reveals more secrets than Yugi had originally planned.**  
Genre:** Drama/Romance**  
Pairing:** Puzzleshipping (Atem/Yami no Yugi x Yugi).**  
Warnings:** I tend to disregard a lot of the factors that most people take as canon: Yugi's parents, for instance, are always a topic of mild disagreement, and I address my personal fanon here. I apologize if you don't like it. Also, this contains lots of talking and no action (not until the very end, at least), so it's not exactly the most exciting of stories. That is all.  
**Words:** 2878

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**Disclaimer:** Guess who doesn't own jack.

**A/N:** PWP. Written differently than you're probably used to seeing. A fluffy conversation between our two favorite spiky-haired duelists that takes place in a post-canon, Yami-has-his-own-body AU. Inspired by one scene in the Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement (Yeah yeah I know, but it was free and it was on TV and I was bored, all right?) when Mia and this other guy are thumb-wrestling in the grass and whispering secrets to each other. Basically, this is what my brain cooks up at midnight when I procrastinate on my government homework. Enjoy.

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_**Hearts and Minds**_

It started off as a simple inquiry.

"May I tell you a secret?"

Yugi glanced at Atem as he took a seat with his coffee, stirring it with a spoon. "You can tell me anything you'd like."

"…I kissed Téa when I was in control of your body."

"…Really?"

"Yes. It was only once, during our 'date' after Battle City, and… I got caught up in the moment. I apologized right after. She took it in stride, said it was all right. I didn't mention it to you then because I didn't think it would be fair to you: you've fancied her for a long time, and there I came, catching her attention within months and kissing her with your body, no less… Ironically, they're exactly the reasons I feel I should tell you now. I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine. Really, I'm just a little… Just a little surprised. I imagined that you two might have had something going on."

"I understand if you're upset. I did not ask permission."

"From me or from her?"

"From both."

"I'm sure she didn't mind. And really, it's fine with me. I trusted you then, and I trust you now."

"How can you? I went behind your back. Do you remember the last time I did something drastic and rash without your approval?"

"What, the Shadow Games?"

"That wasn't what I was referring to, though those do count, as well."

"I already said I've forgiven you for everything… Here, I'll tell you a secret of my own. Occasionally, when I was feeling particularly lonely, way before I completed the Puzzle, I would pretend that I had a friend that would always be with me – a cooler, smarter, stronger guy that would take over and protect me when things got rough. Sometimes I'd even stay up at night wishing I could be that person myself. Imagine how I must have felt when you came along."

"I imagine you must have felt extremely terrified."

"What are you talking about? …Oh, the Games. Right. Look, I can't blame you for that – "

"Of course you can."

" – No, no, let me finish. You were power-hungry and, truth be told, more than a little insane. You thought of yourself as a host inside my body and you were determined to protect it. And me. It's understandable for you to go to such lengths, if you were so passionate about it. I can't imagine what it was like being locked with nothing but the Shadows for company for three thousand years, so it must have felt good to be able to have someone else there, even if that person couldn't take care of himself. Protecting another soul probably made you feel less lonely."

"You could take care of yourself. You had the ability. You just didn't know how to."

"I didn't have the courage. That was why I had you."

"I scared you, though."

"It wasn't you that scared me."

"Please, partner, do not lie to me."

"I'm not lying. Look, all right, I know that thing with Kaiba at Duelist Kingdom may have been a little… actually, you know, whatever. It doesn't matter anymore. What – "

"Of course it matters – "

"Please, let me finish. At the _beginning_, anyway, when you were conducting these Games on people who hurt me or my friends – our friends – yeah, I was scared. I was scared that it was me doing these things to these people, and… well, you know how I am about hurting others. I can't do it; I don't have the stomach or the will. When I would wake up with blood on my hands or had blackouts in the middle of the day, it was indeed terrifying. But it wasn't you I was scared of: it was just the fact that I didn't have a clue what was going on. I thought I was going crazy. When I found out it was someone else… well, I'll admit it, since we're sharing secrets anyway. I was extremely relieved. Yeah, a little on edge that it was still technically my body that had been doing these things, but I liked knowing that it wasn't _me_. But that was overshadowed by my excitement at not being alone, what with Joey and Tristan and Téa hanging out with me… and you introduced yourself… still, I wasn't as innocent and naïve as people thought I was, I don't think."

"…Partner?"

"I was just being selfish and only focusing on myself."

"No, you were being reasonable. Not everyone can do what I have done. To commit such acts without your permission is something I still blame myself for."

"Please don't. Not anymore. Yeah, it was wrong, but it all turned out for the best, didn't it? We're here right now, aren't we? That counts for something."

"It counts for everything."

"…Thanks for saying that. It helped."

"You're very welcome."

"…Okay. Your turn."

"My turn? Oh… all right. Contrary to popular belief, during my time in the Puzzle, I never once did spy on you changing or in the shower."

"Ha ha, I already knew that. It doesn't count."

"It's still a secret, isn't it?"

"It's a known fact between the both of us. I've always trusted you not to do something like that."

"So do I go again?"

"Not if you don't want to. Though that one was pretty lighthearted, after all of the heavy stuff we've talked about."

"I'd rather not bring down the mood even further. All right. When I was a boy in Egypt, Priest Aknadin used to complain about his robes not being washed correctly; they always had a faint purple color when the servants returned them. He couldn't touch or hurt them because they were technically my father's servants, and I suppose I should have eventually apologized for putting them through so much worry, but nobody ever figured out that I used to sneak in to Aknadin's chambers and squeeze prune juice over his clothing after the servants had laid them out to dry."

"You're kidding!"

"I was a horrible child back then. But he did deserve it."

"Why's that?"

"He'd punish me for not getting my lessons right. The punishments were much harsher than those of his other students when they did similar wrongs. And I was only a boy; I had a childish sense of justice."

"Wait. By 'punishments,' do you mean…?"

"Let's not get into that. Yes, the floggings hurt, but I was fine. I turned out all right."

"…I don't mean to justify him, but I'm glad things went the way they did. I like how you turned out."

"Thank you, partner."

"Sure thing. I guess I have to go, now. Hmm, okay; I liked myself the best when you were with me in high school."

"Is there another secret in that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you now going to tell me that the reason why you liked yourself the most when we were connected through the Puzzle is not because of me, as you've led me to believe, but because of something else? Because this was when Téa was just beginning to notice you, perhaps?"

"You're much too paranoid. Of course it was you."

"I do like her, but I'm afraid I might have done something drastic to the poor girl if the latter had been the case."

"I'm sure she appreciates that."

"Why did you like yourself better when I was with you, may I ask?"

"It wasn't just because of what you gave to me: courage, strength, and all that. It was also because I finally had a friend – friend_s_, excuse me – and I loved the fact that I now knew what that was like. I cherished every moment I'd hang out with the gang; it was such a great feeling. Now I just sort of take it for granted."

"You should not blame yourself for that."

"I know, and I don't. But sometimes I think I might have been a better person for it, back then."

"We all change, partner. We can't help it. You're who you are now because of who you were then, and it all worked out for the best. I don't judge you for taking your friends for granted, and I don't believe that you do in the first place."

"You think?"

"I know. I suppose it's my turn, now?"

"Yeah. And hey, I gave you a good one, so you'd better meet my standards, okay?"

"Heh, I'll try… stop laughing, I'm trying to think… ah. All right."

"You have one?"

"I've never told anyone this before. Forgive me if I'm a little hesitant to share, but…"

"If you don't want to tell me, please don't. There's no pressure."

"You should hear it. You deserve to hear it."

"…Okay."

"When I lost you to the Orichalcos…"

"Okay, I'll stop you there. I know what you said, but don't think I need to hear this. Everything's fine now; it was my fault I even left in the first place, so you can hardly blame yourself…"

"Please, allow me to finish. When I lost you to the Orichalcos, in a split second, I seriously contemplated ending my existence."

"What?"

"I thought, perhaps, if I took my life, my own soul, then the gods would allow an exchange."

"An _excha_ – ? Oh, my God…"

"I know. It was an emotional, rash, and extremely idiotic idea born out of desperation and fear. I convinced myself soon after that it wouldn't do me any good and you would certainly be disappointed once you had found out what I had done – and when I took the time to think it out, I hardly even expected it to work at all, to be honest – but I did think about it. I just wanted you to know."

"I'm glad you didn't."

"Me, too."

"…I killed my mother."

"I don't believe that."

"It wasn't intentional. She died during my delivery, when I was born. I was premature and had a weak body, and she didn't make it… apparently, I was so still that the doctors thought I was dead, too, but after a few minutes I started to breathe. Still, she was already gone. I try not to blame myself. But it was my fault. However unintentional."

"It was as much your fault as it was the doctors' and your father's. These things happen. And again, it all worked out for the best, didn't it?"

"It seems so."

"Whatever the reason of her death, I'm sure she doesn't blame you."

"Thank you."

"…I still haven't forgiven myself for what happened at Doma."

"I still haven't forgiven myself for beating you at the Ceremonial Duel."

"…You should."

"So should you. But it isn't as easy as it should be, is it?"

"Nothing is as easy as it should be. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try."

"You say that a lot."

"So by now we shouldn't need a reminder, I don't think."

"We of all people need it."

"I'm sorry?"

"Actually, it's probably just me that needs it. I'm the biggest hypocrite of all of us. I preach on about trying your best, never giving up, giving it all you've got… and I just sit here, not doing anything about my biggest problem. Heh. Yeah, some hero."

"…Partner?"

"It's stupid, I'm sure."

"What is? Yugi, what aren't you telling me?"

"It's something I probably should have said sooner, but there's no use beating myself up about it now. And I figured maybe eventually it'd wear itself out, or I'd find someone else, or you would. But you didn't, and neither did I. And it just got stronger, demanded more and more attention, so I figure whatever I do it's always going to be here, no matter if you're in the Afterlife or you're sitting right next to me."

"Partner, just tell me. I want to know what's wrong."

"I'm trying, but… like I said, it's hard. Secrets aren't exactly something that come out easy – especially big one, and this is the one I've been keeping for years, so yeah, I'd say it's pretty big. It's going to change a lot of things. I'm sorry for that, in advance."

"Don't be sorry for telling the truth."

"I'm just sorry for keeping it from you for so long."

"Did you not trust me with it before?"

"No, I just didn't have the guts to say anything. Despite all the effort you've put into giving me courage, I seem to fall short on having it in personal matters."

"Stop beating yourself up over this."

"There I go again, huh? All right. Well, first, a disclaimer: I know there are two sides to this relationship and there always will be. This is just mine. I hope yours doesn't change after this."

"I'm sure I'll understand."

"Really?"

"I'm actually fairly certain that I do already."

"…What?"

"Partner, it's my turn for a secret, I believe. It's been years since you've completed the Puzzle, and ever since, I've thought about you every day. At first it was protection, then it was gratitude for your friendship. And then, of course, it evolved into something else."

"What is it, a Pokémon?"

"…A what?"

"Nothing. Never mind. What has it evolved into now?"

"Now? It's something that isn't appropriate in this time. Feel free to be disgusted; you've grown up in this century, so it's completely justifiable."

"I'd never be disgusted with you."

"Nor I with you. The complete opposite, in fact."

"Oh. I see."

"This has been harvesting for quite a while, as you can imagine. Almost like yours. Though I might be acting out of place by taking this leap and assuming our two situations are similar in the slightest."

"…You're not taking a leap."

"No?"

"You don't need to. There's hardly any distance at all, I don't think."

"Then I have another secret for you. Do you recall when I mentioned earlier that I never did 'sneak a peek,' as Joey has repeatedly asked, on you in the shower?"

"Yeah."

"The secret is that I still want to… Stop laughing, please."

"I'm so sorry, I'm not laughing _at_ you, but – hey, I didn't know your face could get that red."

"It's… just the warmth of the coffee, I'm sure."

"Right. Well, then, I have something to say, too, to shift the humiliation from your shoulders. I was highly disappointed when all you did after I'd won the Ceremonial Duel was squeeze my shoulders."

"I would try to touch you as much as I could when we met in the Puzzle or in our Soul Rooms, to make up for the lack of contact we held in the outside world."

"I silently cherished every moment."

"I can't believe this isn't a dream."

"I really, really want to kiss you right now."

Atem blinked, recoiling a bit out of shock. After a moment, a grin managed to work its way onto his face and he took on a rather knowing look with one eyebrow raised and eyes shining with excitement. "Oh, yeah?"

Yugi sighed, gazing down at the mug in his hands but still smiling despite himself. He looked up, catching the look his partner sent him, and nodded. "Yeah."

"Ah." He tilted his head, looking at Yugi as they sat next to each other diagonally at one end of the kitchen table. "I suppose this would probably be the time to fix that, then."

"I guess so."

The sun sprayed light through the window and into the room. Yugi knew that outside, most people were probably getting in their cars now, kissing their spouses goodbye and heading off to work as the rest of their day began. He knew that downtown, his own job and Kaiba were waiting for him at the KaibaCorp headquarters so he could get started on that new Duel Disk project that was to be released next year; but still, he reached out his hand to brush the pharaoh's.

"You know," Atem said as his fingers found Yugi's, "it sure seems like you planned all of this out."

"Nah," he told him. "I'm just doing the best I can, under the circumstances."

"How's that going?"

There was no short answer to this; like so much else, it was a long story. But what really made any story real was knowing someone would hear it. And understand.

"Well, you know," he said to his partner now. "It's day by day."

The pharaoh smiled at him, and he smiled back. Atem lessened the distance between them within seconds, and in that small amount of time Yugi asked himself how difficult that had been, after all. For so long he could only imagine how hard it would be to say the words (even if they hadn't been really spoken, in the end; but the pharaoh was brilliant at catching things said between lines, after all). But he'd done it. They'd done it. Sitting there, feeling Atem's firm arm work its way up his back, a warm mouth tasting his own and inviting skin comforting his touch, he wondered which ended up being harder. The act of telling, or who he'd told it to. Or maybe if, when he finally got out of it, the secret was really all that mattered.

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**A/N:** I think I might have been able to write a bit more on this one, but my fingers seemed to have wanted to stop there. Man, even in fluffy fics I manage to toss in some angst. What can I say? My muse should go throw himself into a volcano, but I love him all the same. He also would like reviews to feed his already-inflated ego, but I completely understand if you're busy or too lazy. xD Cheers!


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